So, Why Weren't WE In The Fellowship?
by Cannon in D Major
Summary: The reasons that we (Silver, aka Pachelbel, and Winston, aka Cannon In D Major) weren't in the Fellowship of the Ring.


Disclaimers: The Fellowship belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien.

Authors' Notes: Silver and I, writing ANOTHER story? Well, this one isn't entirely original. We're a-spoofing. We're using us in it, our names, US! The point of this story is: we're offering proof of why we, and of course any thing else, do not belong in the Fellowship of Nine. To help with that, we're quoting a lot from the book. Quotes will be in text.

  
  


So, Why Weren't WE In The Fellowship?

  
  


Day One. (Silver's Log)

We're at a secret gathering over Sauron's ring. Yes, I know who Sauron is! But I don't know why we are here. Must be my amazing good looks, or perhaps Winston's and my talent with the bow and arrow.

  
  


He (Elrond) then pointed out and named those whom Frodo had not met before. There was a younger dwarf at Gloin's side: his son Gimli. Beside Glorfindel there were several other counsellors of Elrond's household, of whom Erestor was the chief; and with him was Galdor, an Elf from the Grey Havens...There was also a strange Elf clad in green and brown, Legolas, a messenger from his father, Thranduil, the King of the Elves of Northern Mirkwood. And seated a little apart was a tall man with a fair and noble face, dark-haired and grey-eyed, proud and stern of glance.

'Here,' said Elrond, turning to Gandalf, 'is Boromir, a man from the South.'

And in two metal fold-up chairs, which they had been courteous enough to bring, were Winston and Silver Wilson. They were dressed in ragged clothing, showing the signs of much neglect; 

  
  


Day One (cont'd, still Silver's Journal)

I think it's a little unfair to say we don't take care of our clothes. I mean, we're not royalty; it was a pain in the neck enough to get here, it's not like we planned on bringing a whole wardrobe! Traveling's ha-ard! 

  
  


They were younger than everyone else present. The boy was a full two heads taller than the girl, despite the fact that she was older than him, though not by much; ten, twelve minutes perhaps... They had green eyes and dark hair. Unlike the other members, they didn't come with a message, nor had they come to Rivendell on special request. Silver was burnt to a crisp; her face and arms and hands were bright red from the long walk in the sun.

Winston was covered with bug bites.

  
  


REASON NUMBER ONE: We spent a day out hiking a few weeks ago. In one day we were tired, sweaty, sunburnt, and bug bitten! We just really couldn't do well with an expedition! And of course, we're teenagers who live in a city (in this story, a large town). What time could we have to learn to travel?

  
  


'Bring out the Ring, Frodo!' said Gandalf solemnly....There was a hush, and all turned their eyes on Frodo.... The Ring gleamed and flickered as he held it up before them in his trembling hand.

'Behold, Isildur's Bane!' said Elrond. Boromir's eyes glinted as he gazed at the golden thing.

Silver nearly lunged out of her seat, but Winston held her back. "Down, Silver, down! Bad...bad!"

"Stay, Silver Wilson!" Gandalf said, stretching forth his hand.

Confounded, the girl did so, but drooled over the Ring still.

"Did he just tell you to 'stay'?" Winston whispered, indignant, and glared at the wizard.

When Frodo had put the Ring back in his pocket, Silver returned to staring at the Elves. Winston began kicking his feet, not really understanding and not really caring for the talking going on about what Isildur had and had not done oh-so-long ago.

"If you ask me, these Elves have a superiority complex," Winston muttered.

Silver nodded, and raised her hand, but went unnoticed. Finally she just interrupted, "Lord Elrond? We were just wondering...why didn't you or Cirdan kill Isildur and throw the Ring away yourselves?"

"I've been wanting to ask him the same thing!" Winston exclaimed.

But a hush had fallen again. Silver would have been blushing (being stared at? By the ELVES?), except she was already too sunburnt to go any redder. "Is it because you're an oh-so-mighty immortal Elf guy, ah, Elf Lord" -at his sister's correction, Winston snorted with laughter- "and you don't think you should interfere too much in the dealings of us lowly slugs? Huh? Or is it because you were distantly but through a direct bloodline with your twin brother related to poor Isildur?"

"Or maybe you just didn't want to see the Ring destroyed," Winston sneered, "Because you were seduced by its Power!"

  
  


First Day (from Winston)

Take that, Elrond!

  
  


REASON NUMBER TWO: Silver and Winston (us!) love shiny things. We would take Frodo's head off and beat him with his rib cage to get at that Ring! But you'll see later why that's not really likely, either. 

REASON NUMBER THREE: Winston has a deep hatred for Elrond, and we both have a sort of...ah, well...resentment of Gandalf. So we'd just cause WAY too many problems at the Council, not to mention, we still don't really have any valuable ideas for what to do with the Ring! Since Silver certainly wouldn't want to destroy a beautiful golden shiny ring inscribed with Elven letters, that is also undentable, unmeltable, and fade-and-tarnish resistant. ((Like Winston's ego!!)) Oh, oh! AND the Ring gives you power! Like a genie! Oooh, genies and power...

  
  


The Wilsons were tossed out of Imladris for their insolence. But, seeing as how we only have two reasons so far, we're just going to put ourselves back in as the tenth-and-eleventh members of the Fellowship. Why, you might ask, would they take us? Because....

"Oh, please, take us!" Silver cried, throwing herself at Elrond's feet.

Winston turned to Gandalf, shook his head and muttered "no, never mind, you son of a...", and turned to Aragorn. "We can fight! We can! I want to see evil destroyed as much as anyone; and I need my sister to help me!"

"We get lost if we're not together. I get lost walking from my home to the market if I go without him," Silver sniffled. "And he can't string a bow without me there."

Realizing that, in a mission like this, they wouldn't give in to any sort of begging or bribing, you're just going to have to say to yourself "Well, fine, let them get on the road then. I'll pretend they have an excuse; or maybe Elrond took pity on them. Yeah. That's it."

  
  


Day Five (Silver)

We're back in Rivendell! I got lost once. Winston found me. We fixed the string on his bow; I hope it works better than the ones we made when we were seven, out of vines and a twig. It'd better work better, or I'm going to get really mad. We leave in two days! Don't know why we're waiting so long. I'm getting restless. Here comes Glorfindel. I'm trying to look sophisticated as I write. Definitely harder than it looks. I wonder if Shakespeare looked so stupid when he wrote Hamlet. I love Hamlet. Where's Winston?

  
  


And so the Company departed: 

Gandalf the Grey, a mighty wizard. 

Aragorn, son of Arathorn, heir to the kingdom of Gondor, betrothed to the descendant of Luthien Tinuviel, carrying the Sword Reforged. 

Legolas, the son of Thranduil, savage Legolas abuser (in fan fics, anyway), Prince of the Northern Realm of Mirkwood, and a magnificent archer. 

Gimli son of Gloin, having perhaps the greatest skill with an axe in all of the land.

Frodo, son of Drogo, the Ringbearer. Upon him, the fate of Middle-Earth balanced.

Samwise Gamgee, a loyal friend, and one heck of a gardener.

Peregrin Took....uh, and: 

Meriadoc Brandybuck, the alcoholic-last-named-little-liquor-plundering-short-dude-who-takes-Winston's-vodka (later in the story) 

Winston Willard Wilson and Silver Annick Wilson, son and daughter of...Fred. Wilson. II.

  
  


REASON NUMBER FOUR: Well, THAT was anticlimactic. We had all the names of the fellowship and their ancestors, and then...us. Sorry, dad. Fred Wilson II just isn't a Middle-Earth name, even with the II. But then again, Winston Willard doesn't really strike fear into the hearts of orcs, and unless they've read (yeah, like orcs can read!) Silver Chief, neither does Silver Annick.

(And Elrond sucks!)

(Hey, at least he has a Middle-earth name.)

(But he's a pansy A$$ hole)

(Truckdriver potty mouth. Right, Winston, shall we finish so you can post it?)

(Alright)


End file.
